Never Give Carlos a Hose
by Runs with Werewolfs
Summary: and tell him to occupy himself in the same 5 minute"Kendall just desparately wanted to get his book report done and Carlos wasn't about to let that happen when no one else was going to occupy him." Kendall learns why Carlos and a hose is not a good thing.


The Day Kendall Learned to Never Give Carlos a Hose and Tell Him to Occupy Himself in the Same 5 Minutes

* * *

Kendall sat on the couch, attempting to read, but finding it hard as little peice of junk hit him in the head every 10 seconds. Carlos had been pestering Kendall all day. It was a saturday and the pool was closed and no one was around. Carlos needed someones full attentiont to keep hm occupied. Kendall just desparately wanted to get his book report done and Carlos wasn't about to let that happen when no one else was going to occupy him. "Could you knock it off?"

"Kendall, I'm bored!" Carlos complained. Logan had locked him out of their room so he could do homework without Carlos around, and James, Carlos' usual partner in crime, was in the bathroom, prepping himself for the day. However, as Katie had pointed out when she had tried to get into the bathroom, only to get sprayed with CUDA, if he kept prepping much longer, the day would be over.

Kendall looked over at the guy standing across the room. "Carlos, you've got a brain. Go use it and find something to do!" he suggested. Carlos shrugged and launched himself onto the couch and into Kendall's lap.

"There's nothing to do! James is taking his self-absorption to a new level, The Jennifer's are filming some movie, Lightening is filming a commercial and you and Logan are boring!" Carlos complained, stretching out against Kendall's lap.

Kendall sighed. "Go see if Kelly needs help killing any coffee machines" he suggested jokingly. Carlos brightened. "I was kidding" Kendall said hurriedly, trying to push the smaller boy off his lap before James walked in and his dirty, narcissistic mind, got the wrong idea. Or worse, Jo walked in and thought Kendall was cheating on her with Carlos or something. She tended to jump to the wrong conclusion a lot.

Carlos rolled off of Kendall and on to the floor, landing with a thud. "Uhhh! I don't even care! Why did James have to drop all of his mangerine spray into the pool and force it to be closed for 2 days!" he groaned.

Kendall shrugged, picking up his English Novel. "You could always do homework" Kendall suggested. He knew Carlos would just find the idea laughable.

"Nah. Logan and I couldn't sleep last night because of James' crying about losing his entire beauty supply into the pool and he was texting us every three seconds so Logan and I did my homework and some of James' work too." Carlos sighed, turning over and closing his eyes. "I might die I'm so bored!" he complained. Kendall rolled his eyes.

It remained silent for a few seconds until Kendall spoke up again. "Well, since you are bored, I borrowed a hose from Bitters last week to hose the swirly slide down after you and Katie got sick in it and I never returned it. Do you think you could take it down to Bitters?" he asked.

Carlos shrugged "Whatever" he moaned.

"Its in my closet. In James' side" Kendall supplied.

Carlos looked at Kendall as he sat up, confusion plastered across his face. "Kendall, you and James have your own closets and James also has a wardrobe"

"You obviously haven't seen James' clothes" Kendall sighed. Carlos shook his head. "It's becoming a problem, him and his vanity. The wardrobe is just for bandanas"

Carlos laughed as he walked into Kendall's room and opened up the closet that didn't have a giant mirror for a door and pictures of James' surrounding said mirror.

He sifted through Kendall's mess of hockey related items until he found the hose. He walked out of the room and stopped to let Kendall know he found it. "Okay, I'm heading down. Have fun torturing yourself in the Scarlett Pimpernel" he said cheerily.

Kendall looked up. "Hey, while you're down there, find something to occupy yourself with down there" he suggested. "If I don't finish this book and get the report going, I'm going to fail English" he said. "Considering _somebody _decided to burn all of my homework at the bonfire last week" he gave Carlos a look. "So that person needs to stay out of here until I am done." Carlos nodded.

"Okay. Maybe a hot girl will be bored or something or someone will need saving" he announcing, running out the door. When he stopped to close it, Kendall noticed him looking at the hose with a gleam in his eye.

_This wouldn't end well._

* * *

20 minutes later, James' head popped out of the bathroom door. "How old do you have to be to have plastic surgery?" he asked curiously, looking concerned.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I don't know, ask Logan. Why?" he looked at his nearly perfect looking friend.

"My lips are too thin" James responded. Kendall rolled his eyes again. Ever since Hawk had told James his lips were too thin, James had been obsessing over them. That was kind of how James was, obsessed over anything wrong with him.

"I don't think getting your lips done counts as major plastic surgery like a nose job would." Kendall offered. "But your lips are fine. You're a guy, you're not supposed to have big thick lips" he said. 10 years of dealing with James and his obsession with his looks had left Kendall a pro at building James up. Logan was even better because he wasn't afraid to tell James what a girl would probably think of James. Until Camille had come along, James had been convinced Logan was not entirely straight. Carlos, however, had no tact and no opinion and would probably have told James that not only were his lips too thin, but his nose was too big or something. That was just the way Carlos rolled.

James shrugged. "Well, whatever. I'm going down to find hot girls to hit on" he said.

Kendall nodded. "Whatever. Have fun" he said. "If you see Jo, tell her that I'll be done in about an hour." He added.

"Yeah, yeah, fine" James said as he walked out the door. Kendall guessed James would do no such thing.

* * *

James walked out the front door, hummng a tune. He turned and was met by a blast of cold water. He whipped around. Carlos was standing about 5 feet away, holding a hose and looking proud of himself. James' eyes widened. "CARLOS GARCIA! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN A SLOW PAINFULL DEATH" He shouted. "I WILL STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH A SPOON!"

Carlos let out a scream and went running. James took off in pursuit, determined to catch the beauty ruiner. His longer legs would give him a clear advantage, as compared to Carlos' short legs. Carlos and James tore through the lobby, both shouting. James tackled Carlos in front of the front desk and promptly began contorting Carlos into all sorts of weird positions. "How dare you! That was the last of my hair product and now it's gone! YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!" James shouted, trying to stuff Carlos' foot into his mouth. Camille walked past, studying a script. James looked up and beckoned for his. She came over, looking concerned. "Go get me a spoon" he growled, trying to remove Carlos' helmet without letting go of Carlos.

Camille gave James a look "Uhhh… why?"

"So I can kill Carlos with it" James answered back.

Camille shrugged and walked off.

5 minutes later, Logan was rushing into the lobby, holding a hockey stick, followed by Camille and Katie. Logan groaned and ran over to them and raised the stick. "Look, James, don't make me use this on your face!" Logan shouted, tapping James with it. "Get off of him!" he announced.

"You can't make me! I'm bigger" James shouted, "He ruined my hair!"

"I can make you because hockey stick always wins" Logan reasoned. "If I go disturb Kendall, you know he'll actually kill both of you with this and then break your lucky comb!" He announced.

James jumped off of Carlos with that and grabbed Logan's hockey stick and began beating Carlos with it. Logan grabbed the stick back and whacked James with it. James let out a yelp and jumped back. Logan nodded, proud of himself and then looked at James. "Here's a 50, go get all the product you want" he said, handing James a wad of cash. James rushed off, looking thrilled. Carlos stood up. "Go entertain yourself" Logan suggested, poking his roommate. Carlos ran off again, laughing evilly as he seccured his helmet.

* * *

Kendall jumped as Jo stormed into the room, sopping wet. "KENDALL!" She shouted, angry. He rushed over.

"What happened?"

"Carlos just doused me with water" she announced. From the other room, Logan groaned. Kendall shook his head.

"I really don't know what is wrong with that kid" he sighed. Jo crossed her arms. "I'll take care of it" he assured her. Suddenly, Carlos rushed in the room, followed by a very angry and very, very wet Dak Zevon. Kendall sighed. "Let me guess, Carlos doused you?" Kendall asked as Logan came down the hall with several towels. Dak nodded.

Kendall looked at his bandmate. "Why Carlos? Why?"

"You told me to do it" Carlos argued.

"No- I gave you a hose and told you to return it to Mr. Bitters and while you were down there, to entertain yourself. I never said to spray people." Kendall said calmly. "Is that why Camille burst in here earlier and said James was trying to kill you? Did you seriously attack him too?"

"Maybe." Carlos said.

Kendall sighed. "Seriously? Carlos, how stupid are you?" he asked.

"I'm not that dumb" Carlos agued.

"You aren't that smart either" Kendall said. "Go find something in your room to entertain yourself and leave people alone." Carlos trooped off. Kendall surveryed the room. "So now we know, never give Carlos a hose and then tell him to entertain himself five minutes later" Kendall sighed.

* * *

**A/N: I've been working on this for 4 days. I really hate it now and I hate hoses. Please review.**

**I have a ton of stories to update, but I like BTR so much better. So if you keep reviewing my one shots, one or two new BTR one shots/song fics will go up every week. So if you like it, please review. If you don't, then please don't unless you can give constructive criticism. I also disclaim, just thought I'd put that out there. **

**This is my first oneshot with Kendall as a main character. Usually I do James and Carlos goofing off together (or hurt/comfort) . Next I'm going to work on Logan. **

**Maybe I'll do Logan having to give James advice from a girls perspective or something. IDK.**

**Suggestions are always welcome. **


End file.
